If you’re reading this you made it to 2020! I consider myself very blessed to have survived another year, another decade with minor hiccups and nothing that I could not recover from. As I sit at the bar in my kitchen sipping coffee I felt compelled to write directly from me, Sarafina and challenge myself to be more open with who I am, my thoughts and the many characters that live within me.
Already I feel like I’m coming off a bit mellow-dramatic [LOL] but this is a real challenge for me where I hide the best parts of myself because people aren’t deserving, which many are not but what does that have to do with me living my life to the fullest and being myself? Nothing right.
As a child, we build up coping mechanisms to deal with things, people, and places that make us feel unsafe or vulnerable. And for many of us our way of being works until we are no longer a child. Then we find that many of our “ways” are no longer needed or necessary and thus the unraveling begins with questions like how did I become this way in the first place? What happened that I decided this was the way to be? The questions keep coming and subsequently, we keep unraveling. That brings me to one of my favorite quotes:
I love this quote because obviously it’s true. The things we bury in our psyches come back around at the most inconvenient times and were forced to face things that hurt us, made us feel small, unwanted, unloved and so on. There’s also the positive things we hold on to as well. Memories of our families way back when, our favorite uncles, summers at our grandparents, our favorite cousins, the things your mother taught you, etc. For me, this year is about being honest with myself and others.
Overall I am pretty happy and content but there are those things like all people that challenge me, bug me, irritate me…you get the point. Some of those things I can control and others I simply can’t. The question becomes how do I exist and have peace anyways?
“Never let go of that fiery sadness called desire.” – Patti Smith
I love quotes. I have a quote for everything. This quote deeply resonates with me especially right now. I’m at a place in my life where my own personal endeavors are what puts a smile on my face and not my day job. The pull to do “my own thing” do Sarafinasaid, write my books, and so on is what I desire. But I’m not a trust fund kid and I can’t give up my livelihood willy nilly. This leads me to number 2.
Start Making Your Exit Strategy
Everyone has something they want to do away with. For many of us, it’s our career, but for you, it could be something else. Either way, I’m planning my next move now. I have desires and things I want to accomplish that have nothing to do with my current situation. It doesn’t mean you necessarily hate your situation but you’re not 100 percent fulfilled either.
Self-awareness Is Key
Nobody can shade you with with your own tea. Simple.
Say No Without Guilt.
This has always been a struggle for me…because I didn’t want to seem mean or as if I didn’t care about someone else’s situation. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem totally saying no, but I definitely feel guilty when I simply don’t want to do something. It’s okay to simply not want to do something. Whoever they are, they’ll live.
Less Worrying About Others. Focus On Your Own Plate.
We all know those people that insist on figuring out everyone else’s life meanwhile their house is burning down and they are literally falling apart. These people are perpetually ambulance chasers. Always looking for someone to save as if it’s their job or as if they are God himself. There’s nothing wrong with being a good friend, partner, girlfriend, wife, sister and so on but not at your own physical and mental expense. Self-preservation is the first law of nature.